a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
birth control should be required to get into college
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
