I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
