well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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