I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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