i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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