You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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