why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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