i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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