Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's like iHOP with fire
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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