Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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