If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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