my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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