this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
