HIV tests are more positive than that guy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
this boner is exhausting
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
