i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize