im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
