I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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