We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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