Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
