hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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