you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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