Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
