I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
