I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
