somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
