Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
