You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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