I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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