hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
