I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
areolas are like halos for boobs.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
