Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
