At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
