We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
