on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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