You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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