no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
