so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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