i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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