WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
