there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
