I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Every concussion has its silver lining
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
