You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
