took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
