Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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