You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
