areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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