I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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