I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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