I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
