i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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