Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
