My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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