Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
