Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
