i barfeds in our rink
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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