toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
