you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk is a universal language darling
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