ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
