i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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