He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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