You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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