my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want a musical about memes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
