I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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