My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
