Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
