we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
