She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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