My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
