dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize