I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
