Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
